natural state

I'm heading back to Arkansas tomorrow to start another year of school and am feeling all cheesy and reflective as I normally do. I always wonder where I'll be a year from now at this point. There's some C.S. Lewis quote that talks about how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different and it's so true. It's crazy how life just gets away from us which brings me to my next point...

Perhaps one of my greatest flaws is my inability to completely embrace whatever season of life I'm in. I always think something is waiting for me at the next milestone that is better than where I am currently only to discover that I'm leaving something equally good behind that I didn't savor/appreciate like I should.

My old youth minister used to say, "go there and be alive," meaning be fully present in whatever moment you're in embracing and milking it for all it's worth. I want to be alive in this moment and season of my life. I don't want to be wish this season away day dreaming about a time when I don't have to study for tests and finally have a job I'm passionate about. While those things will all be great in there time there's something to be said for living with three other girls in an apartment and not having a nine to five job with added commute.

So my kind of general goal for this year (amongst many other small ones) is to not merely exist during this time of my life but truly be living it. Does that make sense? Here's two quotes that say it all better than I can...

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity..."
-Gilda Radner

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday and this is your life."
-Nathan Scott

Seems like just the other day I was taking the SAT and filling out my application for Arkansas dreaming about being a student there and seeing those mountains everyday. Now I'm about to be a junior in college (WHAT?) at Arkansas and I'm living this moment I was dreaming about a couple years ago and I'm all caught up in the next phase of life letting this one run away.

I hope this post served as a wake up call to someone else...Also, if you actually read this whole post full of rambling and saying the same thing 567 different ways then you deserve a gold star.